I love butterflies. I love how they flutter delicately through the air and I love the different colours and shapes their wings come in (which is why I can spend ages trying to get a photo of an impossibly busy butterfly like the one in this photo from a recent holiday!). I also love that we can learn a keen life lesson from how butterflies develop.
It's been discovered that if you cut open a chrysalis in order to release a butterfly ahead of time, the butterfly is unlikely to be strong enough to fly and would most likely die prematurely. The struggle a butterfly goes through in order to fly free from its chrysalis is just what it needs to strengthen its wings and live a full adult life.
Here’s the life lesson that I take from this reality of nature…As a parent, it’s so tempting to protect my children from any disappointment or difficulty. However, I know that wrestling with (and ultimately overcoming) everyday challenges can help to develop resilience and grit in them for the long-run. Going through difficult moments is what strengthens and enables them to deal with similar trials on their own as they grow up and look to leave home.
My challenge as a parent of growing children is knowing when to step in and actively help; when to advise; and when to cheer on the side-lines and pray that they ride the storm well. Key to this is questioning whether they are old enough to handle the situation and whether my involvement will help or hinder both the challenge itself and my child’s opportunity for growth. I don’t want to crush their self-confidence by wading in unnecessarily and neither do I want to see them crushed by a situation that is too big for them.
Sometimes my role as a parent is simply to ask my children what they need from me in the moment of struggle and to trust that my children have the answers. I am learning to ask: “What do you need from me right now?” Sometimes they might just need me to listen while they talk and verbally process their situation. Sometimes they need my advice and sometimes they need my involvement. As a coach, I’ve been taught to ask before offering my thoughts and ideas that I think might be helpful. As a parent of children nearing their teens, I find that a harder thing to do but it is just as valid.
There’s no perfect way to parent but we can learn from the butterfly that struggles and challenges are a natural part of growing up. We don’t need to fear our children experiencing difficulty. We can trust that our children are capable of handling everyday challenges. And we can learn to give them the age-appropriate freedom they need to navigate these challenges for the sake of growing stronger in themselves as they learn to fly the nest.
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